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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

IF/WHEN I DIE


If I die, will others mourn?
Will tears be shed?
If I die, will others know?
Will they care and will they show?

How long before I become
A passing thought but once a year?
Few shall reminisce of me
“Remember when we knew that guy?”

Conflicted with the pain inside,
There’s joy to spread but not my own
“Howdy there, I love that tie!”
“You’re the best!” but still I die.

Waiting for a miracle
A miracle to save my life
A friend who understands my strife
One who cares without a thought.

Much more to me, than man can see
I hide my life, for privacy
No one can know the wretch I am
I must protect others from the real me

I wear this mask, though daft it be
I cannot be what they expect
Laughter, cheer, I can't be sad
This mask is difficult to bear

I suffocate but no one cares
“Make us laugh or go away”
I feel them look as if to say,
“You’re not with us, GO AWAY!”

I don’t belong, I’m in between
I wander lonely so again
I ask what happens when I pass
No tears are shed, just bury me

How does it end, I may not know
Do I lose this war inside
Give into feelings deep and dark
No more breath my lungs to take
Or do I live to be a man
To a ripe old age where memory fades

Now I lay my head to rest
And If I die, before I wake
There is no soul for God to take
Don’t waste your time, your tears, or breath

Just know in death, I’m finally free
From these sins I’ve never beat
Satan’s won and I have lost
I cannot comprehend the cost

I love you Mom, I love you Dad.
Little bro and sisters four
Each day I loved you more and more
But on I go as I cannot bear
To struggle in this earthly sphere

I hope you know you did your all
But none could save me from this gall
Such a failure, night and day
I give up now, and fail again
I hope you can forgive me still

Now I know that when I die
Tears won't be shed, not even mine
As I gasp my last breath in
A tear collects and runs on down
Now I’m gone, good bye forever
Never again will I see your face

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Through Thorny Paths, Wilt Thou Abide

Atop great peaks I've puffed my chest
I was the one that got me there
what need had I to hear others speak
my soul, though 'live, grew very weak

On this hike I've seen my all
I've seen my best and been my worst
the highs, the lows, the in-betweens
filling voids and chasing dreams

Thorns have lined the paths I've chosen
I've been bruised and scraped nigh death
at times expecting nothing less
hopeful e'en; my life's a mess

The crossroads lies before my soles
I stop and ponder left or right
up ahead or back behind
no matter which, the choice is mine.

Whispered on the wind I hear
"I'll help you out!  Continue on!"
the wind is gone, the choice on pyre
what is my one, true desire

A bite of bread, a sip of wine
I'm fed this feast that fills my soul
strength I've used to attain this height
now replenished by a Greater Light

My eyes soak up resplendent beauty
I taste the air, it's crisp with life
humbly now I lend my ears
the breeze I feel calms my fears

God save this soul that wanders much
I need thy help, thine Healer's touch
this broken man now takes a stride
into the dark, Wilt Thou Abide?!

-Brian Clarine

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Winter of Love

Seasons will come
In life and in Love

Spring brings new life
And with life comes beauty

Summer is happiness
Both sunlight and late nights

Fall is the last breath
Mountainsides set afire

Winter brings death
A clean slate as it were

In this winter of love
I reflect on the year
Short as it was
I enjoyed every moment

The laughs and the smiles
On both her face and mine
I cherish this year
But now lay it to rest

One day winter will give
And there in its place
Will be the Spring I await
Spring everlasting

Love is for All*

LOVE IS FOR ALL*
by Brian Clarine

Love is for all
It's what brings the most joy
A crush on a friend
I've crushed on so many
The crush can be fun
But also ironically funny
I have done so before
It's nothing new to me now
I'll step aside
And then after I've cried
I'll help you along
'Til I no longer belong
Sad songs I can write
But that's all I can muster
I say my goodbye
Yet nobody hears me
I am still here
But I'm so dead on the inside
Love is for all*
Yet I don't feel it at all
I express it
I can feel love for another
Never once, however
Have I felt it returned
Indeed I believe
That love is for all*

*Just not for me